The Real Me by The Who

I've been enjoying a long weekend with my son, AJ. He's only 19 years old and I can see that he has grown into a fine, confident, young man. He knows what he wants to do as a career and is working toward it by gaining an education. He works hard and is comfortable with who he is. 

My son is way ahead of where I was at his age. I was clueless as to who I was. Or maybe I was just too afraid to be what I wanted to be. Immature, wild, and naive, I made all the wrong choices. I made bad choices that I thought were good choices. I knew I was doing wrong, but I thought I knew better. Truth be known, I wasn't thinking at all. I certainly wasn't thinking about the consequences.

During my college years there was a fierce anger in me. I was so anxious about trying everything I'd been told I couldn't. Now that I was out from under the oppressive thumb of parents, I went for the forbidden fruit. Music that was my companion during that time were groups like Pink Floyd, AC/DC, and above all, The Who. By far The Who is my favorite of the British Invasion bands. I loved the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, but Pete Townshend's lyrics were spiritually charged. He wrote searching lyrics that helped me name some of my own search for an identity that worked.

If I had to pick a favorite song by my favorite band, it is The Real Me, from the 1973 rock opera Quadrophrenia. The story of Quadrophrenia is about a teen who has four distinct personalities. 

The liner notes illustrate this concept as follows (names added):

A tough guy, a helpless dancer. ("Helpless Dancer" – Roger Daltrey)
A romantic, is it me for a moment? ("Is It Me?" – John Entwistle)
A bloody lunatic, I'll even carry your bags. ("Bell Boy" – Keith Moon)
A beggar, a hypocrite, love reign o'er me. ("Love Reign O'er Me" – Pete Townshend)

After the overture opening to the album, The Real Me jolts the listener in an aural explosion of teenage anxt. All four band members are at peak performance. Moon's drumming is thunderous. Entwhistle's bass sounds like a elephant gun as the thud shakes your rib cage. Townshend's guitar cuts like a knife with sharp power chords and Daltrey matches their power with his unparalleled vocals. 

Perhaps I'm pouring it on too thick for you, but I really feel that excited about this song! As a searching teenager, who was grasping for an identity of who I wanted to be, or should be, this song became a theme song for me.  I sang and shouted right along with Daltrey, "Can you see the real me?"

Give it a listen.  http://youtu.be/H2h1MY70uag

The Real Me 

Songwriter: Pete Townshend

I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.

Can you see the real me, doctor?

I went back to my mother
I said, "I'm crazy ma, help me."
She said, "I know how it feels son,
'Cause it runs in the family."

Can you see the real me, mother?

The cracks between the paving stones
Look like rivers of flowing veins.
Strange people who know me
Peeping from behind every window pane.
The girl I used to love
Lives in this yellow house.
Yesterday she passed me by,
She doesn't want to know me now.

Can you see the real me, can you?

I ended up with the preacher,
Full of lies and hate,
I seemed to scare him a little
So he showed me to the golden gate.

Can you see the real me preacher?
Can you see the real me doctor?
Can you see the real me mother?
Can you see the real me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As an angry young man, insecure, but determined to make something of myself, This song expressed the craziness I felt. I was trying to be cool for the cool people. I was trying to be funny for the funny people. I was trying to be nice for the nice people. I was trying to be smart with the smart people. I was so busy trying to be somebody else, that I didn't even know myself. The visceral cry to be known shrieked inside my soul, as Roger Daltrey sang with a rage I felt inside. 

There's something unjust about this world that forces us into molds, expectations and cubicles. The hamster wheel of the world was what we were all going to school for, and I had no idea what I really wanted to do.  I wanted to sing. I wanted to rock. I wanted to act. I wanted friends who knew me. I was hiding behind masks. I was hiding from my own parents and even my roommate. I was anything but the real me.

The craziness I felt inside made me laugh every time I heard Daltrey sing the second verse. His mother told him mental illness ran in the family. We are all products of some place, whether that be a family of origin or a family of choice. Sometimes we choose a solitary place and live alone with our thoughts. These places form who we are. 

The singer tells of riding by his old girlfriend's home. He remembers her fondly, but when he runs into her on the street she doesn't want to talk to him. She pretends she doesn't know him. Or perhaps he's been hiding, too, so it's impossible for her to know him.

I'm certain there's an LSD reference in the phrase, "strange people who know me come from behind every window pane." The Doors sung the song When You're Strange, a way of talking about tripping on acid. Window Pane was a street name for one form of acid sold around the college in my days. It looked like white chips of paint from a window pane. 

This kid is searching. He is searching his old stomping grounds as a schoolmate, but since his parents kicked him out, he's been sleeping under the pier at Brighton Beach. He's been working for tips as a bell boy. He's been living hyped up on pills. Crawling out of his skin, which seems so alien to him, he searches for freedom. 

He won't find it with the psychoanalyst, or his mother, or his girlfriend. Drugs won't liberate him from this inner confusion. He finally came to the church to speak to the preacher, who only seems intimidated by the angry young man. 

The preacher showed him to the golden gate. I figure that is Townshend's jab at the clichéd and formulaic sharing of the gospel that he had heard a hundred times a school boy. The institution failed to reach him or inspire. The church failed to connect Townshend, and many of his peers, to God through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The church cannot lead anyone anywhere we have not gone themselves.

And so we search for a sense of who we are, who we are meant to be, or who we think we want to be. We live in desperation until we come to a place of acceptance. Some settle for being less. Most of us compensate with filling the void with noise, food, booze and endless attempts at catching a thrill.  

Is there a real me? Is there an authentic self waiting to be discovered? 

When I was in seminary we studied Charles Taylor who said each soul is searching for that authentic self. It is a life journey. We set our sight on a horizon and when we get there, we realize it's not the destination. We set our sights on the next horizon and find the same. It's not what we are looking for. We are not satisfied. For those of us who are fortunate enough, our search turns to God. For in Him we discover who we are and whose we are.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure. (1Jn 3:1-3)

I am happy to say my soul has found peace in knowing myself as a child of God. That is the foundation of my identity. The search for the real me is over. I found myself in God. The knowledge that my Father in heaven loves me is all I need to know about me. I don't need to impress anyone. I don't need to win anybody over to see me as successful or competent. My eyes aren't turned toward people for validation. What a great love God has lavished on us! This love answers every question. Even when we don't get satisfactory answers to our questions, the mystical embrace of divine love makes the questions seem irrelevant.

God loves us unconditionally, for He sent His Son to die that we might live forever. I am God's child. I am growing up under My Father's guidance and in His strength. My life unfolds and every day is an adventure of discovering what He has next up for us. The real me is the boy who stood on the pew singing hymns of praise next to his parents in a small country church in southern Indiana.

I recorded and released an album last April 2013. On it is a song called Rock 'N' Roll For You, Lord. That song captures the essence of that boy, the real me. (www.scotttyring.com)  Here's a potion of the lyrics. It's my prayer. It's my song of praise. It's my real heart.

I got a feeling that I know ain't never gonna fade
It used to be so easy to deny my heart’s desire
Lord, you put this love in my heart
And I just got to let it out

I'm gonna rock 'n' roll for You, Lord
As long as I've breath
I'm gonna rock 'n' roll for You, Lord
As long as I've life, I will praise Jesus Christ

Lord, continue to open our eyes to our true identity. We won't know our true selves until we know you. And we won't know you until we discover that the real self is searching for you. Give us grace for the search. Amen